After all these years

I’m still in love…

The song keeps playing back in my head and I feel madd corny for catching feelings for a guy I haven’t seen in over damn 5 years… I swear its crazy…

I remember when I 1st met him… High School… Freshman year… He was in my class… He was the class clown, and I was the teachers pet. I remember he used to always come sit at my table and as soon as we would get to talking, the teacher would make him move. After class I never really paid him any mind, he didn’t hang out with any of the people I knew, and I always had to go straight home after school. I think it was in October of 2002, he gave me a note telling me how much he liked me and that he wanted me to be his girl. I was excited. To me he was the bad boy type, and there was something about him that made me want to get to know him more. (I know I sound really mushy, but its true.) The note that he wrote me was a rhyme/rap/poem what ever you want to call it, I just thought it was so sweet. I wrote him back, telling him that I wanted to be with him too… but then my Grandmother died… I never gave him my note… We didn’t see much of each other, except for when we were in class, and I had a whole lot of drama going on in my house. My father was abusive… I felt like I had no one to tell… so I closed myself off from everybody

But we did get together. On May 2nd, 2003 we were officially a couple. I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys back then so I had to sneak to use my step mothers cell phone after 9 and have my sister be the look out while I hung my head out of my bedroom window talking to the boy I was slowly falling in love with. And damn did I love that boy… When my father found out I was talking to a boy I would lie at all costs to protect my dear boyfriends identity from my father, and I would take it all. The yelling… cursing… slaps… punches… and an occasional choke or 2. This mutha fukka even bit me one time. I didn’t care though, I knew it would hurt today, but tomorrow my boyfriend would be there to make me feel better; even if it was only between classes.

The 1st time I cut school to go to his house I was scared out of my ass. The door we had to leave from was right next to the principles office. I had been caught by a truancy officer once before and I didn’t want to get caught again… The whole way there I was scared, I had never traveled around Brooklyn by myself unless it was to school or home, and my JR. High was only about 5 blocks away from my high school. Hell… I still had to get off at the same stop, but nevertheless I trusted my boyfriend and went right along with him. He took me to the ‘do or die’ Bed-Stuy. He had a beautiful house. Better than any house I ever lived in. They had real furniture, a dining room table, beautiful kitchen and a big ass dog named Buster (and a bird… I never liked that bird).

We spent a whole year almost, sneaking out of school to be with each other. I was truly in love with this boy. He was just such a sweet heart. One day, not a holiday or my birthday or anything, just one random day, I opened my locker and a dozen roses fell out. I was walking on air for the entire day. He even came to my music class and performed a song that he had wrote just for me in front of everyone. He did little things to make my day, but the thing that I loved the most were his words. He was and still is a very gifted writer.

But every good story can not be complete with out a villain. The entire time we were together all of my friends would tell me that he was no good. There were lots of rumors floating around that he was cheating on me. But that’s all they were to me… rumors. I had a saying that I stuck by “I trust you until you give me a reason to doubt you.” I told everyone that had something to say about him cheating that I didn’t want to hear it unless they had proof… You should really be careful what you ask for…

I got proof one day… an AOL convo between him and some girl that was supposed to be my friend… When I got the print out in my hand news traveled fast that I was pissed. The girl came to me with all her friends behind her and we fought. That’s the first time I fought over a guy… and the last. I was hurt… devastated… but most of all I felt like a fool. I thought I was smart because I never paid attention to the he say/she say, but I guess sometimes people are really just looking out for you.

I moved to California that summer… I tried to keep in touch with him, but my mom was strict (no phone, no computer) so that didn’t really work out. But still to this day, when I look at his picture… I smile. I cant count how many times I saw someone in the street that looked like him and my heart would start racing… butterflies in my stomach and all… Then when I realized it was him I’d be so disappointed… but such is life I guess
You never forget your first true love…
And they’ll always have that special place in your heart…

**this is for someone who was once my “Bookie Baby”**

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