Adulting 101

I have NOT failed

Sometimes I look back at my life and look at where I am now and I feel like I failed. But according to who though? As far as I’m concerned there’s always another day and another chance. I can’t keep living my life according to what others expect me to do, because honestly, they didn’t do what I expected them to either. Why does the scale of how others rate and judge me have such a big impact on my own self worth? I believe its because I think I failed them. Not me. I want to be successful, but I learned in a class I took a few months ago that everyone defines success differently. Some see it as having money, and a house and a car and blah blah blah. I failed my mother because I was not a straight A student. According to her I didn’t reach my full potential in High School and I just did the bear minimum to get by. This might be true, but with the mind frame I was in and comparing my High School years in New York to my High School years with her, I made a hell of an improvement, and I am damn proud of me. I graduated on time. I failed my father for every reason in the book. Some how some way, I always let him down. He’s let me down too. For most of my life actually. My father gave me millions of empty promises and sometimes he still does. I don’t think he does it on purpose, but I really wish he would stop writing checks with his desires and just be there for me. I just want my family to be there for me. I wish they would all stop dwelling on my failed achievements, my mistakes and my flaws. I wish everyone would stop making plans for me and making me feel like I’m making the wrong decision when I choose not to follow the path that they picked. Maybe I’m hard headed. That’s what they always tell me, but maybe I just want to make my own choices, live my own life, make my own mistakes and have my own experiences. I have not failed. I have barely begun to achieve, and trust me, I will achieve. I just wish someone other than me would believe in me.

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